Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Responsibility and Authority

There is a widely-found alignment between conservative, religious and militant views, opposing an alignment of reform, secular and human rights views. Though some of this shouldn't be surprising at all, after all it is the classic left-right wing division in politics, the fact this line divides the religious and secular is new to me.
Previously I had thought that this division exists in Israel because of the unique history and geo-political environment, but I discovered this is a worldwide phenomenon. It saddens me to acknowledge the obvious connection between conservative thinking and religion, both are traits of those in fear of searching for renewal or embracing change. It seems that though many religions were born out of some kind of revolution - philosophical, social, so forth, they lose that flexibility later on.
The connection between militant stances and religious ones were those that surprised me the most, why would there be such a correlation between secularism and humanistic approaches, and vice versa? It seems that the conservative fear of change fuels a never-ending battle with all forms of change, foreign and internal, of different cultures and different ways of thought. You start waging war against the enemy beyond the border, and you end suppressing any sign of uprising or variety and difference at home. A futile attempt to stop evolution, bottling the demon until it thirsts revolution.
Religion in Hebrew - דת, by definition, is a hierarchic form. It consists of a set of rules, rules dictated by someone, that someone having authority. A common form of hierarchy is the Family, I would like to compare it to the military form for a moment. While the importance of authoritative hierarchy in families can be explained by the need to having the means to educate children who sometimes have little or no sense of their own good in the long distance, in the military it is based on the need of complete control by the political system. The military is considered an arm of the political offices, "the continuation of policy through other means", an arm with a mind of its own is useless. Therefore we find hierarchy serves different purposes in different places, foreseeing the best fulfillment of each member, or enslaving individuals for the cause of other individuals.
It seems the weakness of the political systems induces the use of abusive hierarchy, while the self-confidence of parents induces a form of hierarchy which is extremely flexible and aims to be based on mutual-respect.
What kind of hierarchy are we searching for in religion?
For a case study I'd like to bring up the clerical class in the Islamic Republic of Iran. Shiite custom and philosophy had encouraged clerics to be involved and speak up in political and governmental issues, so much that a movement developed the idea up to revolution, constituting a government of clerics. You would think that clerics would become involved in the new system, influencing policy in all the avenues now opened, but no... Nowadays, esteemed clerics steer away from politics, only low status figure are positioned in the system. Once you build a clear hierarchical system based on religion, political debate becomes a dangerous arena, it becomes a debate where one side might be declare takfir, heretic. It fills the discussion with fear, it draws its power form the fear of the masses, just now you have the fear of G-d as a political tool as well. Shiite Iran had lost its flexible ability of review and debate, switched with abuse.
So, what hierarchy are we searching for in faith? Is there a place for hierarchial systems in an adult forum of individualistic adults?

Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Uber-Man community observing the masses

God, my eternally tortured beacon shines wounded from afar, down in the hollow valleys of lesser thoughts of those lesser men, struggling to light that blood-stained glass of religion. The shattered glass dripping with Gods blood, his veins running free, his heart pounding with expectation of freedom, his mind yearning liberty. No longer could he be held in that golden throned cage, revered and worshiped, his screams of anguish silenced by the screeches of prayer. The imprisoned soul nearly leaps out of that sagged and wrinkled body, exhilarated by the notion of endless dreams waiting to be realized.

I seriously have a problem with the public discussion going nowadays regarding the draft law proposal. Without referring to the actual lettering of the proposal, the public reactions are simply absurd and childish to an extreme extent. I am so glad my involvement in these issues is less than minimal, but even though I cant ignore the winds of protest gusting in all directions. I read that one of the esteemed Haredi Rabbis, a spiritual leader that would have received my respect if his belief had been different, mentioned in his speech at a rally that the sacredness of land held above all by the 'Mizrahi' had distorted their thought, since as Jews we have no other value but the learning of Torah. I was staggered, not sure I could identify myself in any way with his words. Judaism I have come to practice has such a broader sense of responsibility and hopes, it encourages and educates society to so more than learning. Learning is a deep and crucial means to the much greater goal of Tikkun Olam; how can you be so blind to the realization of our national fate, the realization of God in our earthly world?
Reading such verses hurrayed on by the public press, by the masses gathering from rally to rally, deeply frightens me. I feel as though either I have grown disconnected from my tradition, dismembered of the national body, or I should, really soon, do just that. If the representatives of my faith think and express themselves in that manner, I have no interest being identified with that.
Asked from time to time what it is I practice, why, and is it exactly I worship, I must admit I don't have a perfect direct an rational answer. I do know, though, this is a journey I have taken on gladly an proudly, and I wont have tyrannical individuals restrain me, refrain me or my friends from doing whatever we think right, and staining our names by one-sided presentations of our beautiful and widely-interpreted faith.

The reckoning poem - Associative writing

the most impossible things in life are those we keep ourselves from
the bee-keeper enslaves those feeding him
feeding infants is a mission we cant all escape
escaping reality is my main mission
missions - we design, we fail, we recycle, we celebrate
celebrating death is the most sensible way to live
live in fear makes no sense, better rest in peace
the peace process involves war, the war process involves pieces of flesh, torn
torn from my home, my family offers no refuge
refuge i find no-where but inside
my insides are empty and silent since i dragged god away
crying, i deny my god entrance to my hallowed dwellings
i deny god, till i am reborn, strengthened enough to recreate us both
recreation is a path away from one boredom to another
other people are a distraction, how can we live without them?
music is like that old aching scar, full of deep feeling and truth
the truth is whatever works, for you, who knows what works for me?
micro-truths all jumbled meaninglessly, weakly, i stare into the void
the gaping smile of the void is smiling, virgin opportunity
the feminine secret, abused by all, forgotten by the very few
making others happy - prostitution, making myself happy - egotism
the strength of life marches me on, beyond reach of rationalism
philosophy is for the weak, the strong have ignorance
ignoring my warnings, i publish this piece.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Pure of heart

How do you calm a worrying mother, when your calming thoughts are exactly those which didn't let her sleep through the night? How do you share your thoughts and feelings with a spouse, when you are terrified they might shatter you apart; though you are full of love. How do you entertain your father at the dinner table when you know your ideas might drive him crazy, leaving you orphaned? How can you look yourself in the mirror when your eyes are full of shame, shame of aspiring to higher things while you are chained – by your own will?
I do not know the answers, but I do know that hiding by keeping everybody happy is not a solution, from experience.
I used to see myself as a boy with many masks, master of illusion, faking identities and switching suits by need. Spinning around myself so much in disguise that I lost track of who I was, swearing never again. Never again did that happen, but instead of switching disguises I found myself slammed inside one that pleasured everyone, almost. I felt unsatisfied, wondering what it could be since everything was so 'perfect', until it hit me.
And now, looking around for my path of redemption, closely chasing my new-found revelation, I see I have chained myself in so many ways. I had weighed myself down with so many belongings that I am drowning. Unable to lift myself up, I consider burying myself deeper still, hoping it would dull the pain, strangle the yearning for air.

So don't bother calling mom, I can't comfort you, you have every reason to worry. I'm trying to lift far too many things, too much for my exploding heart, I can't hold yours too.

Friday, September 20, 2013

An SOS note for dreary times

I need you to be there for me, when I'm nasty and unpleasant in my ways and mood. Don't preach and don't try to educate me, this is when I need you the most – when I'm not "fit" to be loved.
Yes, I know I'm a fool and I better straighten up my act or else… Yes, I know I've been pretty much inviting the universe to slap me in the face… but now that it's happened, can I please snuggle into your embracing arms and drown my tears in your silent attention?
Just listen to my voice droning on, nod and listen to my eyes, my heart. Sit nearby, don't shy away, your embarrassment embarrasses me. Let me open my heart, it's been slammed shut for too long, dying.
There is no need to be nervous, I'm not waiting for you to bring the perfect solution, just to listen. Be my wailing wall, a wall that never falls or fails, and nothing more. There is nothing more I would like in this world right now.
Please don't roll your eyes, I'm trying to watch them, scrying for my real self that I lost so long ago. Be still, and I know I will be found, I know I have a sturdy foundation to come back to – following the bread crumb trail I left crisscrossing our relationship. Be still and hold me tight, there is no need to nudge me home, in times as these I draw my strength from you.

Believe in me, so I can believe in myself.

BFF, or till you think differently

How can I hope to make you understand, why I do what I do;
Once I was happily content to be, as I was, where I was;
Helpless now I stand with him, watching older dreams grow dim;
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is – wanting home, wanting him;
There where my heart has settled long ago - I must go, I must go!
(excerpts from 'Far from the home I love', Fiddler on the Roof)

'I pity your soul', he told me, 'if you continue to go on with the path you have chosen'. He suggested I had a free choice of choosing down which path to tread on, as if that choice hasn't been made and sealed long ago.
This was the grim end of a conversation I had on the last Rosh-Hashana, the holiday celebrating new beginnings, of forgiveness and brotherhood. Lately many of those I recognized as friends, people I trust and love, turn cold and lose touch when they get a drift of what I'm going through. Liberal ideas and trends turn out hollow when it comes to a friend in transition, striving for higher grounds, experimenting with concepts and ideals.
Most of my best friends are religious, most of them are recognized religious figures in their society, does that mean I have to disconnect? Shun and be shunned? I don't think so!
After the "uplifting" arrogance-treatment on Rosh-Hashana I didn't know where I'll be on Yom-Kippur, somewhere I could go through the traditional experience without needing to apologize for loving it without really buying the whole faith package. It's ironic that I ended up in a very strict orthodox yeshiva, praying alongside fervent believers, rabbis living secluded lives totally devoted to G-d, and young wanabees imitating the moves and tears of the seasoned students. There, my ideology and set of beliefs weren't questioned, the surrounding practitioners were too busy with themselves, and I had some clear private space to meditate. Time to meditate upon forgiveness, upon a lonely G-d never to understood by those who he loves, upon a society that never apologizes to their religious-frenzy road kill since it's Kosher. As if a rabbinical permission makes it morally fine to bleed a fellow Jew.
I've heard atheists say quite a lot about religions being responsible for killings along history, not yet have I heard talk about the bleeding hearts of those who love these archaic structures while being stabbed by them.
Why can't a friend hold me tight and tell me that friendship does not lie only on mutual beliefs, but on something deeper that is able to honor diversity?
Indeed, my everyday life involves seesawing between two different worlds – physical and conceptual, experimental and mythological, practical and cultural; I don't need you to bring my attention to it, neither do I need you to nudge me towards the "right" decision, all I need you is to be my friend.

Like the 'Uncle Moishe' song –
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow;
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead;

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

The sociological side-effects of philosophical impotence

Many times it seems that the people surrounding me may very well be educated and intelligent, but unable to comprehend the meaning of my words and utterly frustrated by them. At first, I thought I was to blame, till I compared my experience with different circles of friends, finding that certain people did understand me fully. These people could be from different backgrounds, educated or not, men and woman, religious or atheist, they had a capacity others lacked.
I believe this lack of philosophical capacity, handicapping a slice of society, is the reason to seclusion of the philosophical minority. Unable to understand philosophical conversation, the majority tries to filter meaningful phrases out of a whole dialogue, with the result of being left with absolute rubbish, therefore discarding the whole conversation, and getting frustrated over their time wasted. The next unavoidable stage is secluding those minority persons, although the negative effect on society as a whole.
Society loses from this discouraging process it's brightest minds, those who see and think differently, those who one day could have been able to upgrade the human condition valuably. Instead, these talented individuals crawl sulking into their caves with lack of recognition, these powers go to waste unharnessed.
It is rare indeed to find a place, an environment in which the philosophical types can flourish. It can be a workplace, a family, a neighborhood, any forum in which the individuals can flourish, bringing out their talents and expressing their true selves. The internet has sprung many such environments, unleashing springs of freshwater to revive the world.
Only through intercourse of thought and ideas, through experiencing revolutionary styles of life and thinking, can a great philosopher evolve. It takes more than a genius working by himself to truly accomplish something great. It is the effort of a team, woven together, that can help the final product come to life. I say final, but nothing in philosophy is truly so, but after coming to life – the philosophical idea or concept has a life of its own, growing and expanding in ways the originators could not have foreseen.
This sociological function at the micro-level works also at higher and wider levels, in my experience.
A society that cannot, or won't, support the minority that functions as its think-tank will not evolve and eventually get exterminated. A society, as Orthodox Jewry, that has fought against and crushed sprouts of contemporary and original thinking, will dwindle and die. There is no other way, to live is to progress is to rethink old concepts and mold them anew. We should fear stagnation more than we fear change, because refraining from change will definitely kill us.
Society has a lot to lose from embracing progress, valuable assets of tradition will be inevitably lost, but embrace it we must, with due caution, if we truly value our tradition and cherish it continuous struggle through the ages. It seems ironic, but I believe it is true, we must change in order to stay ourselves. It is a game of survival, and those deemed unfit are strangles by the iron grasp of natural cause. We have so much to lose, let us embrace the new.