As watch my 1 yr. old son conquering our entire living room, slowly but surely, I was reminded of these very wars we wage against all our loved ones, in one way or another, and repeatedly against G-d. We feel a great urge of protecting our sacred space and grounds, with the same instincts which led us to tribal wars for the roomiest cave in the neighborhood in the good ol’ times.
Sometimes these wars take on the most absurd shapes possible. A friend sits in our favorite chair in the sanctuary on that special service, a child decides he needs the TV remote control exactly when our favorite program comes up, and we lit up with rage, even when we succeed sustaining it.
All these incidents do have their justification in one way or another, but how can we excuse ourselves when the same comes up in our relationship with G-d?
As we all know very well, this relationship is different in its very essence. There cannot be an oppressor and oppressed, their a great friendship and guidance, one we may accept or refuse. Surely waging war is always against those who introduced us wrongly, for G-d is within us, our most inner essence.
It strikes me as hilarious when I realize I’m struggling with G-d over some good deed. It’s purely blaming someone else for those mistakes I don’t have the courage to take upon myself. Sometimes it will be my lack of courage to face others, my friends and family maybe, and act as my heart directs.
I truly think remembering the simple fact that using the term worship of G-d does not mean sacrificing myself for the will of others, but sacrificing my outer and fake needs, for my higher yearnings and inner will.
Interesting, not always easy to understand what the higher/inner will is.
ReplyDeletebut thats exactly what being a jew is all about, isn't it? worrying to death about it, dedicatin our lives for the epic search of G-d in this world, of G-d in our hearts?
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