The Drylands of the Rational

One of the more interesting challenges I've been dealing with since my "enlightenment" is the agonizing lack of magic and mythology in life. It seems that rational-critical thinking brings on a dry-spell that destroys all those wonderful lush grasslands, previously teeming with life. Only then I truly understood the chosen terminology of Nietzsche "We have murdered God", I could almost feel his blood cover my hands as I read on and meditated on these topics.

In my search for a "true" God, truly abstract and metaphysical, I had sacrificed a tangible God I could think of as personal and connect with, and received a cold blank corpse of a God no longer fit for his role. What was even more devastating was the fact it was a bridge that could not be uncrossed, knowledge that could not be lost.

From the wondrous heights of Hassidic lore and yearning for Prophecy through meditation and secret Inner Knowledge, I had plummeted to the depths of a materialistic and mechanistic world with absolutely no one to turn to, nothing to aspire to. Yet, I could not let go of religion. The great myths, the beautiful traditions and portraits of God-fearing Jews walking the streets of the Holy-Land were too much to give up. I finally found myself in a great see-saw, trying to balance an Orthodox way of life with a free-thinking inner life, with the thesis and anti-thesis trying to fuse into a synthesis.

I cannot say I have found this synthesis, and I know deep down that it will probably elude my for the rest of my life, but I do know that I am fighting desperately to win it all. Moreover, I have a deep conviction to share this search with others, the very idea of trying to grasp it all with devotion and critical loyalty.
I myself believe there is out there a shade of theology and conservatism that will agree to be integrated into some reform and constructional thinking patterns.


P.S Intentionally, the Holocaust is not mentioned in this blog today deliberately  This wasn't done with any intention of disrespect to the memories of the deceased, but with respect to Life and not diluting the Evil that dominated those dark days. In short, I despise boxing, and thus alienating, this event in our history into one day.