Help me O G-d for I am Lost

This blog may seem to have no connection with things I wrote before, but after a hurt discussion held today in the Yeshiva (Rabbinical College) I learn in, I feel compelled to express myself.

In my short visit to Lincoln NE USA I met, for the very first time of my life, a thriving Reform and Conservative community in flesh. Many new things were revealed to me, especially in the long talks I had with Rabbi Ilan (Reform) and Layleader  Nancy (Conservative). In short I had a lot rethinking to do in that short time, trying to truly understand this way of Jewish life, so different from the Orthodox way I was raised.

Surprisingly, I found out there were great similarities, many more than I could imagine, and I grew to understand more the difficult dilemmas facing modern Jewish communities in the Diaspora. I left the US feeling that much can be done to bring Orthodox Jewry to a more understanding position relating these movements. I felt much of the disagreements are exaggerated because these communities don’t actually meet, and don’t know much about each other. I decided I’ll do my best as an ambassador of good will, and spread understanding to strengthen the inner bonds of our small nation. This blog, in it’s little way, is a part of this effort.

Today I got a big reminder things weren’t that simple, and changing the world, after all, isn’t such an easy task. I brought to the Yeshiva the beautiful Reform Siddur I received as a parting gift from the Rabbi, with the intention of preparing myself for the upcoming holiday, learning the commentary, translations and alternative readings. Some friends peeked in, asked questions, and I found myself in the center of an attack, being asked- how can I find common ground with the Reform basic Jewish outlook, since it contradicts the very basis of Judaism (of course as the Orthodox see it)? I discovered, painfully, that me finding beauty in these communities was based on that my Jewish perspective has journeyed far away from the customized view, rendering me irrelevant.

My Orthodox behavioral code identifies me with this community, while I find myself growing strange to it’s theological concepts, having a lot in common with more modern thinking. I am a medium between these worlds, trying to understand both, truly belonging in neither.

These coming Yom-Kippur and Sukkoth are great opportunities of renewal and meaning, I pray to G-d for guidance, and for a fellow friend on this lonely Journey  to the Divine. May we all have a sweet and blessed year, fruitful and filled with compassion and love for all.

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Happy all Year Round!

Every year anew I find it fascinating to see the packed synagogues on the Kol-Nidrey service of Yom-Kippur eve. The streets are all empty, filled with children playing everywhere, and all the adults assembled for prayer by their varied customs and traditions. These are people that don’t see the innards of any religious institute along the year, but this night they would never miss. It may be a second or third generation of secularly raised Israelis, who feel a special bond with their Jewishness on this night. Why?

The question grew when I realized they are dedicated to the service which doesn’t even seem really essential, it isn’t a prayer! It is simply the custom ceremony of releasing unintentional vows of the past year, a mere technicality before the actual prayers of the Holy day.

It seems that the answer lies in the deeper understanding of this day as a whole. It is written that in Rosh-Hashana (the New Year Holiday)  the Righteous and Wrong-Doer’s decrees for the coming year are sealed, and only those hanging in the middle get sealed on Yom-Kippur (Day of Atonement). Statistically, there should be only very few, if at all, people who are exactly in the middle, and thus what is Yom-Kippur for the rest of us?

It is written that once this was one of the happiest days of the year, when the maidens would go out to dance in the vineyards dressed in white, rejoicing. The adults would assemble in the High Temple, watching the High Priest going through the Ceremonial ‘work’ of the day, going on to a joyful feast at the end. The descriptions go on and on, emphasizing the great happiness of this day.

After the great royal day of declaring G-d’s kingdom over us, a day of repentance and judgment, we ascend into a day of great love an mercy. A day we purge ourselves of earthly desires, a one-time angelic-like experience, where we are immersed in G-dly love and acceptance as we are, of great feeling of closeness. It is said that this day is like a day of marriage, from which we proceed to building our Home in Sukkot.

Now we can try to understand the key importance of Kol-Nidrey. Before entering this special day, we untie all past connections and obligations to people and worldly circumstances, so we can enter this martial connection with G-d. While all prayers of this day are the close conversations with our beloved, this opening ceremony prepares and introduces us to this holy pinnacle experience.

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