The Drylands of the Rational

One of the more interesting challenges I've been dealing with since my "enlightenment" is the agonizing lack of magic and mythology in life. It seems that rational-critical thinking brings on a dry-spell that destroys all those wonderful lush grasslands, previously teeming with life. Only then I truly understood the chosen terminology of Nietzsche "We have murdered God", I could almost feel his blood cover my hands as I read on and meditated on these topics.

In my search for a "true" God, truly abstract and metaphysical, I had sacrificed a tangible God I could think of as personal and connect with, and received a cold blank corpse of a God no longer fit for his role. What was even more devastating was the fact it was a bridge that could not be uncrossed, knowledge that could not be lost.

From the wondrous heights of Hassidic lore and yearning for Prophecy through meditation and secret Inner Knowledge, I had plummeted to the depths of a materialistic and mechanistic world with absolutely no one to turn to, nothing to aspire to. Yet, I could not let go of religion. The great myths, the beautiful traditions and portraits of God-fearing Jews walking the streets of the Holy-Land were too much to give up. I finally found myself in a great see-saw, trying to balance an Orthodox way of life with a free-thinking inner life, with the thesis and anti-thesis trying to fuse into a synthesis.

I cannot say I have found this synthesis, and I know deep down that it will probably elude my for the rest of my life, but I do know that I am fighting desperately to win it all. Moreover, I have a deep conviction to share this search with others, the very idea of trying to grasp it all with devotion and critical loyalty.
I myself believe there is out there a shade of theology and conservatism that will agree to be integrated into some reform and constructional thinking patterns.


P.S Intentionally, the Holocaust is not mentioned in this blog today deliberately  This wasn't done with any intention of disrespect to the memories of the deceased, but with respect to Life and not diluting the Evil that dominated those dark days. In short, I despise boxing, and thus alienating, this event in our history into one day.

Life-Long Intimacy

It has been a long time since last time I wrote, and arguably, it isn't the best setting to do so while listening to a lecture summarizing the material for my Philosophy exam tomorrow, all this at a ridiculous hour of night. Nevertheless, this is exactly what is happening, and I'll just have to ask you to excuse me.

For a few years I've been noticing an interesting phenomena, the loneliness of thinking. I'm not referring only to revolutionary thinkers, but to everyday simpletons (as myself) that have decided to think for themselves as opposed to letting others command this critical function for them. Up until recently, I've been disturbed by this, and tried to defy this Great Law by depending on a Rabbi , society or different schools of thought (all these - living or dead) and failing quite utterly and miserably. I've found myself struggling to "fit in" somewhere, to feel someone "has my back", in vain.

It took me quite some time to realize there are some positive points in this reality, and to learn to accept and adapt myself to this "loner" perception of life. Somewhat like the famous quotation of Pirkey Avot (Ethics of the Fathers [hail wikipedia!]) "אם אין אני לי מי לי", basically meaning- I have no one but myself. Of course this segment can be translated and understood in many ways, but the bottom line is that we are born, live and die with ourselves, and have only ourselves to draw true judgment upon our conduct.

That is where I draw the term of "Intimacy", which replaced what I defined as "Loneliness". Wiktionary defines this term as meaning - feeling or atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, antonymous to "Solitude".  Now, that is a much more optimistic view, and it adds this "someone else", which I interpret as God, which is also with me always. Thus, I'm no longer alone, yet in continuous solitude. God, as much as some people would like to have me believe otherwise, is more of an idea. A great one, as Muslims would put it, but still pretty much a limited one.

Nevertheless,  I have found this idea "rings a bell" in many hearts, and it may seem I have found my community (even if the most divided crisis-filled one ever) at last.

As usual (?), comments are most welcome.